I'm part of a really wonderful series of lessons on Sunday nights about the spiritual disciplines. I'm learning a ton and this Sunday's lesson was about the importance and practice of prayer. There were several applications that I wanted to work on and the drive home was a good time to start, as we take Aubree home to Marion, making our trip home almost an hour long. I decided that I was going to pray through the various songs that came on the radio, trying to pull out Scripture as I listened. As I left church, I prayed that God would use the time to His glory. I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately, and especially had been Wednesday-Saturday of last week. As I drove to Marion, almost every song that came on dealt with fear and anxiety and giving everything over to the Lord. I prayed and cried and thanked God for giving me such perfect songs for the drive. (Except for "Good Morning." God has a sense of humor; I hate that song with my whole being. And I'll never understand why they play it at night.) Anyway, as I listened the song "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns came on. It reminded me that when we were going through the legal battle to adopt Kylena (and also had been trying to get pregnant for several years) I had a list of songs that I played over and over and over again, and that I keep meaning to listen to those songs again now to see what I hear now that we're on the other side of her adoption. This was one of the songs and suddenly I heard these lyrics: "And not a tear is wasted In time you'll understand I'm painting beauty with the ashes Your life is in My hands" I just started sobbing. Back in 2017 I didn't understand anything and I had no idea if I was wasting my tears or what God had in store. But now, now I understand. His timing is perfect. His plan is better than mine. And I am so thankful for that. So last night I listened to the rest of the songs on my playlist from that time in life and I was hit over and over again with truths about God that at the time I was just choosing to trust were true, and now I've experienced just how true they are. The hard part is knowing that they would still be true even is the outcome was different. Which is what I prayed for over and over again; that I would trust God's goodness and faithfulness even if the outcome wasn't what we prayed for. (I'll admit I'm very relieved we ended up receiving everything our hearts desired.) My last couple of nights ended up being such a wonderful time of worship, praising God for who He is and what He's done and is doing. What a wonderful thing to be able to do as I work through this anxiety I'm experiencing.
The best way I've learned to deal with my anxiety is to speak truth to myself. So for anyone struggling, I want to leave you with a couple of things that help me through hard times. The first is the list of songs that I listened to through my darkest times, reminding me of God's faithfulness: Audio Adrenaline "Kings and Queens" Tenth Avenue North "I Have This Hope" MercyMe "Even If" Hillary Scott & The Scott Family "Thy Will" Lauren Daigle "I Will Trust in You" Casting Crowns "Just Be Held" Matthew West "Do Something" The last thing I want to leave you with is this scripture passage I'm working on memorizing as more truth to speak to myself when I deal with panic attacks: Philippians 4:4-9 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." If any of you are experiencing anxiety, whether because you suffer from anxiety, or whether there's just a circumstance in your life right now that you're anxious about, I pray that this would be a good reminder that God's timing is perfect, that He loves you, and that He can give you peace.
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Marla HoyMy family says and does silly things and I write it down. Archives
March 2020
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